A little background:
I started reading the Redwall series about six years ago, in fourth grade. Of course, at the time, I loved them. It wasn't until more recently that I sort of began to realize that they weren't exactly high-class literature. I began to regard them more of as a guilty pleasure. In fact, when Eulalia! came out, I didn't even rush to buy it like I did with the last three books. I only decided to give it a try after seeing it on the shelf at the public library. Call it an impulse-checkout.
The first thing I noticed about the book, besides the rampant adverbs and passive voice, was Brian Jacque's abuse of comma splices. Seeing as how I haven't read another Redwall novel in several months, I can't decide if this is a new development or an old habit that I just never noticed. Either way, it proves quite obnoxious.
A comma splice is, according to Wikipedia, "the use of a comma to join (splice) two independent clauses in a sentence, where the clauses are not connected by a coordinating conjunction." The example they give is "It is nearly half past five, we cannot reach town before dark."
A beginner's mistake, right? I mean, remember back in the day when you'd write something like that for an assignment and your teacher would correct it and dock your grade? Why doesn't real life work like that? I want to write a letter to Mr. Jacques offering to edit his next novel for him, because he appears to be in dire need of my services. I had to stop myself from fixing the mistakes right there in the library book (even though it would've improved the book tenfold).
I have a few examples of Mr. Jacques' more obvious comma splices. Bear in mind that these represent just a small number of the hundreds contained in the novel; I didn't have the time or mental fortitude necessary to write them all down.
Maudie and Luglug laid him where he had fallen, they built a neat cairn of sandstone slabs over Asio.
The shrewmum was greatly moved, she proclaimed from that day forth, her little one's name would be changed, from Dupper to Asio.
They ate a simple lunch, shrewbread, apples, and some cheese.
I especially love that one. Makes it sound like they ate apples, bread and cheese in addition to their simple lunch.
Shrews are notoriously noisy, they gossip and shout constantly.
Check out the adverb usage in that one! But that's just a bad sentence. A little rewriting goes a long way, BJ.
Stringle, the rat officer, approached Gruntan, he had to shout, to make himself heard above the roar of the waterfall.
And finally, the paragraph to end all paragraphs:
His eyes seemed to follow every creature, they were kindly eyes, but brave and resolute. Orkwil had always thought there was something very comforting in looking at Martin, he felt reassured by the sight of the warrior, as did every Redwaller. The abbot placed something in Gorath's paws, it was the warrior's sword.
I wanted to die after I read that. Just die.
Another thing that bothers me about Mr. Jacques' writing style is his adamant refusal to use the "Dialogue dialogue dialogue," Character said. format.
It's always Action specific to one character so we know who's speaking. "Dialogue dialogue."
A good author uses both to add variation and flair to his or her writing.
Also, I wish Mr. Jacques would reuse some of his old poetry. I know in every book he claims that this or that shanty or blessing has been handed down for generations... So why haven't we heard it before? Or he could try focusing on characters that've been mentioned in other books, or even reusing names. Also, I hate how it's always goodbeasts-against-a-vermin-horde. Mix it up a little, BJ. Write about rivalries within Redwall or something.
Another complaint I have with the series is how black-and-white it is. If you're a weasel, you're evil, and that's that. You don't have a family or a past or motivation beyond plunder. You popped into existence fully grown and without a grasp of proper word pronunciation. Deal with it.
I guess I can deal with that, though, since these are (sometimes) marketed as children's books. Still, just because a book is classified as a children's book doesn't mean it should be allowed to get by with sub-par writing.
As for the story itself... Again, very simple. Orkwil Prink, a young hedgehog from Redwall, has a penchant for stealing. This creates conflict for approximately two chapters. His parents were once thieves too, apparently, and left him at the abbey in hopes of a better life for him or something like that. Now that, BJ - that's interesting! Hedgehogs who don't preach goodness and virtue? Way to toe the line! Anyway, Orkwil is caught stealing, and is banished from Redwall for a season. What a winning idea! Let's turn a defenseless hedgehog who's known nothing but the soft abbey life into a wilderness with a violent history of vermin hordes. I can see sending him to the Guosim or Salamandastron in order to learn a few stern lessons, but just turning him loose in the wild? I've never liked the Redwall creatures.
Nothing much happens. It's the usual. Martin's sword gets stolen and recovered. A few brave beasts make a stand against the vermin horde that so vastly outnumber them and - gasp! - win.
Oh, and we constantly hear about Tung, Gorath's two-pronged pitchfork. Gorath is a huge badger - like, huuuuge - possessed of the Bloodwrath. And Tung is his two-pronged pitchfork. His two-pronged pitchfork, Tung. Tung, the two-pronged pitchfork. Are you smelling what I'm cooking? The name "Tung" serves absolutely no purpose besides being cool. Why would a badger who previously knew nothing but peaceful farming name his pitchfork? And the name doesn't even matter because "two-pronged pitchfork" always follows. I mean, isn't the purpose of a name to make it easier to describe things? I don't say "this is my friend, short-girl-with-curly-blonde-hair Staci," I say "this is Staci" and people know I'm talking about my short female friend with curly blonde hair. Because that's what names DO, Mr. Jacques.
In conclusion: This book sucks. I won't read it again. And if anyone can put me in touch with Brian Jacques or his editor, I'd be very much indebted to you.
Stay classy.
Love, The Bodysnatcher
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